When someone like me has endured profound suffering in life, people perceive me through a different lens. At times, articulating my true self becomes a daunting challenge because the wounds I carry run deep. Yet, I feel an undeniable call from God to share my story with others, and this is where I often grapple the most. I have no desire for pity; rather, my greatest hope is to reach out and help someone along their journey, so they know they are not alone in their struggles.

I wasn’t your everyday normal kid growing up. I was ignored by my parents, loved by my grandparents. When you grow up with selfish parents you act out! Well that was me. I was abused by my parents mentally and physically. I ran away, stole my parents cars, got into fights as a kid, didn’t go to school. Mind you this all started in my teenage years. The time you need your parents the most. I didn’t ask for self absorbed parents. But now that I’m an adult, I realize they were doing the best they could.

I found myself in a marriage that was a relentless struggle, carrying the weight of trauma that made me feel shackled to a toxic bond of co-dependency. Despite the turmoil, I clung to the love I had for my husband, who blessed me with our beautiful children. He endured three grueling surgeries in just two years, and I stood steadfast by his side, balancing the demands of a full-time job while nurturing him back to health. Our relationship was finally on an upswing, blossoming after so much strife. Yet, just a few years later, fate dealt a cruel blow when he unexpectedly fell out of bed. As I frantically called 911 and fought to revive him with CPR, a chilling realization overwhelmed me—I was now a widow. At only 40, he suffered a heart attack, shattering my dreams of a joyous family life. In the aftermath, I was left to unearth his hidden secrets, and my heart felt truly broken, forever altered by loss.

I’ve come to recognize the shadow of untreated depression that crept in, quietly consuming my joy. Yet, through it all, I found solace and strength in God, who illuminated my path during those dark, tumultuous years. Friends, who have become my chosen family, wrapped me in their love and unwavering support, helping me rise from the depths of my despair. Although I wasn’t truly alone in this struggle, society often casts widows in a different light. In merely three heartbreaking years, I lost both my beloved husband and the home we shared, prompting me to make the courageous decision to return home, seeking healing and a new beginning.

I went to dinner with my parents, passed out and smacked my head at a restaurant. Then I visited a local hospital and doctors in 2024. It was then I was finally diagnosed with depression. All the years of abuse from my childhood and marriage caught up to me. I’m from one of those families who didn’t support counseling, therapy etc..it was something that was frowned upon. I was an embarrassment to my family for many years. I still feel that way at times and have some family members who think I’m nothing. The pressure of having to prove myself for 44 years of my life was not easy to carry. So, you can imagine when I got put on the right medications how I was finally able to heal.

Having to take depression medication brought upon me a wave of judgment. My mother would often tell me that I simply needed to get my act together, while my father stood as my sole pillar of support, having shared the same battle with medication. He had fought his own demons as an alcoholic for most of his life, and unfortunately, those demons eventually caught up with him. He suffered through a devastating widow maker that came perilously close to taking him from me. It was through this crisis that my relationship with him finally began to mend, revealing the depth of our shared struggles. I had no idea that the precious moments we were rebuilding would be cut short, as I was forced to confront the heart-wrenching reality of saying goodbye to him far sooner than I could ever have anticipated.

As we pieced our relationship back together, I discovered the depths of his sacrifices—everything he concealed to shield me from pain. My mother’s betrayal, the demons he fought in silence; it all came to light. I can’t express enough gratitude to God for the precious time He granted me to heal and nurture my father. Every day was a test of endurance; I was juggling a full-time job while accompanying him to countless appointments and staying at his side to ensure his safety. I pressed pause on my own life to devote myself to him. It was the most treasured time imaginable! God truly answered my prayers, allowing me to care for my father when he needed me the most!

I lost Dad in 2025, and that loss ignited a fierce determination within me to work on myself. I’m embracing this journey of healing with full heart and soul, recognizing that in those broken moments, God’s presence shines the brightest. I’ve come to realize that healing is far from selfish; it’s an essential act of love! As I dig deep into my own growth, I see how vital I was in their stories—I was the healer that my husband and father so desperately needed! It was no coincidence that God placed me in their lives, ensuring they never faced death alone. I was the singular beacon of hope they sought. Believe me, unearthing those treasured memories has taken time, but they led me to this powerful truth: life is an extraordinary gift, and I must heal myself to continue uplifting others. The Bible is filled with incredible tools that can guide you on this path; resonating with those stories reminds us of the immense strength God instills in his people!

I pour my heart into my daily routine, taking my medication like clockwork, while fiercely dedicating time to God and the Bible, journaling my thoughts, and immersing myself in uplifting podcasts. Each moment is a sacred ritual, as vital as my work and nurturing my home and children. I’ve shed the weight of excuses and embraced the transformative journey of healing. Yes, the pain is undeniably real, but trust me when I say that you will emerge from it stronger and more resilient than ever! Please take the time to heal! You will feel so much better in the process. The weight of life will become lighter as you learn more about YOU and how your body works.

Here are some tools I use…Podcast: More Than Small Talk, She Found Joy, Therapy & Theology. These amazing ladies unleash so many amazing tools to help you along the way! I have read books, taken classes, journaling, and of course my BIBLE!

Self-love is fostered by first understanding and accepting the unconditional love God has for you (1 John 4:16).