As a woman in my fabulous 40s, I’ve had my fair share of wrestling matches with faith. I’ve doubted God like a kid doubts their parents’ ability to cook dinner. I’ve been angrier than a cat who just saw a dog! However, all that anger? It was about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. I was like a confused toddler in a candy store, letting the Evil One have a good laugh while I sulked. You see, that’s exactly what the Devil hopes for—keeping us wrapped up in our feelings like a burrito on Taco Tuesday. We really need to learn how to throw some punches back and show that rascal who’s really in charge!

My life has been like a roller coaster designed by a toddler—full of wild twists, unexpected drops, and the occasional scream of “Why am I doing this?!” I’ve been having a serious chat with God about whether He was on a coffee break when He created me, since I often feel like a limited-edition model. As I embark on this detective mission called “figuring myself out,” I’ve dived into the world of human design, gone on holy treasure hunts through the Bible, and joined countless hours of podcast bingeing. In this beautifully chaotic world, having God by my side feels like having a best buddy who also doubles as my personal safety net.

When I decided to pull the plug on my faith, I found myself in a lost-and-found department where I was the only item! Life got more complicated than assembling IKEA furniture without instructions, and I felt like a solo contestant on a very un-fun reality show called “Lonesome Island.” My emotions decided to throw a wild party, and surprise, surprise — my family, who don’t really believe in God, were totally clueless about my emotional meltdown. As for my friends? Let’s just say they were about as helpful as a chocolate teapot. Instead of going to church, I took a detour to the bar, thinking it would be a refreshing trip — spoiler alert: it wasn’t! Now, I’ve upgraded my liver to “non-alcoholic fatty” status, and guess what? My pancreas decided it wanted in on the drama too!

Living with all these health issues has been quite the eye-opener, and I’ve come to realize that I really outdid myself—self-sabotage, anyone? With all the stress from life’s plot twists, my overzealous work ethic, and my impressive talent for tripping over my own two feet, I felt like a solo act in a one-person circus! But hey, I figured I had to keep it together for the kids, so I stayed busier than a caffeinated squirrel, ultimately making myself sick. If you didn’t know that stress can be a stealthy little monster, well, welcome to the club! Now, with my new best friend God (who has way more patience and bigger shoulders than I do), I’m learning to lean on Him instead of running around like a headless chicken!

I feel stronger now, like I could take on a stampede of wild horses—or at least a really feisty house cat. I can finally breathe without sounding like a popped balloon! I was also the family superhero; when my husband was sick, I cared for him like a pro. Then I moved back home, and just when I thought I could hang up my cape, Dad got sick! Surprise! I took care of him too, all while juggling a full-time job and coaching—what was I thinking? Keeping busy was my secret weapon, but it seems like the universe decided to schedule a tiredness avalanche because, wow, I’m exhausted! And honestly, I’m stumped as to why God has had a hankering for taking away all my favorite people. What’s up with that?

In the Bible, it practically says that God will rendezvous with you while you’re in tears, throw a get-well-soon party for the sick, and play hide-and-seek even when you’re trying to pull a Houdini on Him. He’s like that ever-forgiving dad who just can’t stay mad! Honestly, I’m super grateful for the chance to bask in His glory—like, I was so stubborn I treated Him like a telemarketer, but guess what? Even in my drama-filled moments, God swooped in to save the day like a heavenly superhero. Take my advice, don’t be a stubborn mule like I was. Hunt down the Lord when you need a chat or a little divine TLC. It’s seriously reassuring to know He’s always hanging around—kinda like your quirky friend who never leaves the party!

Take a little break from your daily hustle and spend some time with the Big Guy upstairs. He’s got wisdom coming out of His ears and already knows your potential—probably better than you do! Just have some faith in Him and yourself. Seriously, don’t let the Devil steal your thunder! Be bold like a lion and stand up for yourself, and don’t hesitate to carve out some “me time.” After all, even God took Sunday off when He created the world! If He can manage His schedule, so can we! It’s not selfish; it’s self-care in a heavenly way. So go ahead, pamper yourself and pay attention to those subtle hints your body is giving you—like “Hey, where’s my snack?”

  "Highlights Jesus as a high priest who understands human weakness and invites believers to approach the throne of grace for mercy"
 Hebrews 4:15-16