I can only imagine how challenging this process has been for you. After losing my husband, it’s completely understandable to have felt shut down for so long. Such an unexpected experience can leave anyone feeling overwhelmed. When you fell apart, it was likely your way of coping, trying to convince yourself that you were okay. Keeping so busy can sometimes be a shield against facing deep fears. It’s normal to reflect on past choices and feel regret, especially during such a painful time. Feeling disconnected from God is a common struggle when grappling with loss; it’s okay to question why such things happen. You deserve to express all those feelings of confusion and hurt.

Being engulfed in such deep anger, pain, and sadness truly shattered me. I found myself at a loss for words, unable to engage in the simplest of actions like eating or even breathing. In allowing my anger to consume me, I drifted away from my connection with God. The loss of my husband, compounded by the grief of losing my beloved Nana the same year, left me profoundly heartbroken. I was still grappling with her absence when, just six months later, I faced the unimaginable loss of him. This period of my life felt like a relentless battle with despair. Then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, the pandemic struck, and we faced the painful reality of losing family members one after another.

2019 was a challenging season in my life, filled with profound anger and despair. Even though I felt God was by my side, I chose not to speak with Him, a decision that I now recognize as my greatest mistake. Excluding God from my healing journey ultimately led to my downfall. I allowed my emotions to overwhelm me, and in losing my faith, I lingered in a state of darkness for several years. This struggle resulted in a multitude of health issues, stemming from my own ignorance; I faced a thyroid disorder, depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, and high blood pressure. All of these difficulties arose from my choice to shut myself off from God and my faith. I urge you, please, don’t make the same mistake I did.

Don’t repeat the mistakes I’ve made. I want you to understand that God is always here, actively seeking you; all you need to do is reach out and talk! Life can feel overwhelming, complicated, and frightening at times. Without God guiding you through the chaos, healing can be much more challenging. I found myself trying to push God’s hands and hurry my healing journey, wishing to escape the pain. But here’s the most incredible truth: God will meet you right in your pain. That’s where my journey of healing truly began. It hasn’t been easy—the tears have flowed abundantly. It’s also important for me to recognize that I am an Empath, and I’ve had to learn how to distinguish between my feelings and those that aren’t mine.

So, I began to reflect on my roots, tracing back to my childhood as a vital step in my healing journey. The pain I experienced was deeply intertwined with those early years, and it’s a path I often wish I had embarked on sooner. Yet, I have come to appreciate that God’s timing, while sometimes difficult to endure, is truly a blessing. Waiting has been my greatest challenge! The Hebrew meaning of ‘wait’ speaks to expecting, hoping, and eagerly anticipating God’s movement in our lives. As you delve into the Bible and explore the stories from our past, you’ll discover that there is an end to grief, reaching us when God is ready to lead us forward.

Please be patient with God’s timing; it truly is remarkable. He will guide you in His own perfect moment. I’ve taken the time to dig deep and work hard on understanding myself, and along this journey, I’ve discovered that I am special in ways I never realized. Being an Empath is indeed a gift, not a burden, although I am still learning how to navigate it all. Had I not yearned for something better in my life, I might never have uncovered this truth! It’s incredible how God responds when you earnestly seek Him. My life has changed in profound ways, and now I feel a strong connection to the person I’m destined to be, which is often different from what my family envisioned for me. I am truly much stronger now.

So when I lost my Dad in October 2024, just before my birthday, I found the strength to cope with this profound loss because I felt God by my side. While the heartbreak was immense, His support provided me with the comfort I needed to navigate through such a difficult time. There were moments when I felt incredibly low, even contemplating taking my own life, but God intervened. He spoke to me gently, assuring me that it wasn’t my time yet, that I am not finished with you, my daughter. He reminded me that I still have important work to do.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:26)