I am the middle child in my family and I have always had something to prove. Although I didn’t realize that it would take over my life. Here I have focused all my attention on pleasing the rest of my world but me. As I explore my own world further, I find myself repeating the same cycle. Here is the thing. I was abused as a child and abused as an adult. Now that I have become more in tune with my body and learning what harms it, I can see that I need to make some very serious changes.

I’ve always been the quirky one in my family – you know, the designated troublemaker because my parents apparently had more important things to do than keep an eye on me! I was that hyper kid buzzing around like a caffeine-fueled bumblebee, completely clueless that I was an empath. Now, looking back, it’s hilarious to think I was just soaking up everyone else’s vibes like a sponge at a pool party! It’s wild how, upon reflection, life felt like a rerun of a bad sitcom until I finally figured out my value. But now that I’ve got my self-worth down like a Netflix binge, I can officially start my healing journey – popcorn anyone?

Now that I can see clearly, I recognize the challenges I faced growing up in a divorced family. It was not easy, and I spent much of my childhood with my grandparents, who lovingly raised me. Coming from a family of entrepreneurs on both sides, I am grateful for the strong work ethic they instilled in me. I was just 6 years old, selling watermelons by the side of the road, feeling like the coolest little cowgirl! I also enjoyed painting ceramics to sell at the park-n-swap, creating precious memories. It truly was a wonderful experience to collaborate with my family in making something beautiful.

As I reflects on my teenage years, I recognize how incredibly challenging that time was for me. I was a spirited teenager, often causing my parents distress. I remember being pulled out of school due to my involvement in fights, feeling closer to my mother as a best friend rather than seeing her in the traditional mother-daughter role. Living with parents who were struggling with their own issues made things complicated, and while I loved them deeply, I didn’t fully understand back then that nobody is perfect. My dad grew frustrated with my school situation and took it upon himself to help me find a better path. Despite his struggles with alcoholism, he was always there for me, even when I took out my frustrations on his girlfriends. Looking back, I realize just how much I loved my dad and how fear of losing his attention contributed to my anger.

As I watched my dad float away and marry, I finished high school and began to navigate my own life. I moved out with the man who would become my husband, started a family, and married away from my own family. I realized I was living much of my childhood experience again, as if I were marrying my father. It’s remarkable how I can understand that now; I’m truly grateful for the lessons learned along the way. My husband and I did our best as parents, knowing that no one is perfect. It was heartbreaking when he left too soon for us to continue growing together.

So, now that I’m alone and can truly reflect, I’ve come to embrace the importance of loving myself. It’s been quite a BUMPY ride, filled with lessons that I genuinely cherish. The loss of my husband was profoundly challenging, and it felt like a switch inside me flipped, leading me to a place of indifference. My heart aches for the struggles my kids had to endure during this time; they are innocent in this journey of ours. We made a commitment as a couple to stand by each other, no matter the circumstances, and we were a united team.

I’m deeply grateful for the profound lessons that God has gently guided me through. When you embrace the concept of TRULY LOVING YOURSELF, it opens up such a healing journey. For so long, I felt the weight of needing to prove my worth to those I care about. Yet, the real journey was about proving it to myself! Remember, you have the strength to achieve anything you dream of. Just muster the courage to take that first step! God, our Father, is always by your side, patiently waiting for you. He is already seeking you; all you need to do is reach out!